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( >'.')>
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 1613
Location: Where i lay my head is home |
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A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
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| Wed Aug 20, 2008 12:17 am |
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Bionic Commando
Joined: 09 Sep 2007
Posts: 5409
Location: Under the hood. |
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| Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:27 pm |
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Bonzo
Joined: 31 Jan 2006
Posts: 1580
Location: Stockport UK |
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How did you know I like strippers 
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| Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:51 pm |
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( >'.')>
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 1613
Location: Where i lay my head is home |
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GoZnO|BoZnO! 
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| Wed Aug 20, 2008 4:58 pm |
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d3im0s
Site Admin
Joined: 02 Mar 2006
Posts: 2431
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lol 
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Deimos: His name means dread, and he was a fearsome son of Bull & Dirty the fearful gods of war. He always attended his gay fathers on the battlefield, along with his compadres. |
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| Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:59 pm |
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ErdingA
Joined: 03 May 2008
Posts: 157
Location: Essen, Germany |
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| all claer...ahhh clean |
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You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me... |
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| Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:05 am |
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welsh
Joined: 18 Aug 2008
Posts: 69
Location: Somewhere In Wales |
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A woman goes to the doctor. “These hormone tablets you’ve put me on are having some weird side-effects,” she moans. “Really?” asks the doctor. “What do you mean?” “For some reason I’ve now got hair all over my chest.” “How far does it go down?” “That’s the worst bit,” she says. “All the way down to my bollocks
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| Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:59 am |
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welsh
Joined: 18 Aug 2008
Posts: 69
Location: Somewhere In Wales |
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A guy goes to the pub and says to his friend: “you won’t believe what happened. I was taking a shortcut along the railway track when I found a girl tied to it. So I untied her and we had non-stop sex for hours, all the positions, everything.” “That’s great!” replies his friend. “Did you get a blow-job?” “No,” he sighs. “I never found her head.”
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| Thu Aug 21, 2008 7:02 am |
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welsh
Joined: 18 Aug 2008
Posts: 69
Location: Somewhere In Wales |
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Three guys meet up in a bar and discuss how drunk they’d gotten the last time they’d met. “I was so drunk,” says one of them, “I woke up with no money in my wallet and my credit cards were gone.” “That’s nothing,” says the second man, “you should have seen the hound I woke up with the next morning.” The third man laughs nervously and then says, “you think that’s bad? I blew chunks.” “Ah, don’t worry about it,” the other two say. “We’ve all been sick on the lash.” “No, you don’t understand,” comes the reply. “Chunks is my dog.”
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| Thu Aug 21, 2008 7:04 am |
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Shifty
Joined: 14 Dec 2007
Posts: 747
Location: Ruegen, Germany |
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| Re: all claer...ahhh clean |
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where is micro's fooking face ?!
"schönheits-OP" ?
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Have to say you Germans look very well behaved if that was the Uk you would see drunk fat girls fighting  |
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| Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:29 pm |
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Bonzo
Joined: 31 Jan 2006
Posts: 1580
Location: Stockport UK |
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Welsh did you know Spliffy went to the butchers the other day and asked if he had a sheeps head.The butcher said no its just the way he parts his hair
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| Thu Aug 21, 2008 3:26 pm |
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welsh
Joined: 18 Aug 2008
Posts: 69
Location: Somewhere In Wales |
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Welsh did you know Spliffy went to the butchers the other day and asked if he had a sheeps head.The butcher said no its just the way he parts his hair |
LMAO 
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| Thu Aug 21, 2008 5:09 pm |
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Bonzo
Joined: 31 Jan 2006
Posts: 1580
Location: Stockport UK |
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What a great day for sticking a broomhandle up Lewis Hamiltions arse and saying how is that for pole position :
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| Fri Aug 22, 2008 11:13 am |
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welsh
Joined: 18 Aug 2008
Posts: 69
Location: Somewhere In Wales |
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Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck." It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love and hate. In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.
It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
Category rude jokes
Fuck you
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck." It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love and hate. In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.
It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
1. Greetings - "How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud - "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation - "Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble - "I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Aggression - "FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust - "Fuck me."
7. Confusion - "What the fuck.......?"
8. Difficulty - "I don't understand this fucking business!"
9. Despair - "Fucked again..."
10. Pleasure - "I fucking couldn't be happier."
11. Displeasure - "What the fuck is going on here?"
12. Lost - "Where the fuck are we."
13. Disbelief - "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
14. Retaliation - "Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial - "I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity - "I know fuck all about it."
17. Apathy - "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
18. Greetings - "How the fuck are ya?"
19. Suspicion - "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic - "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Directions - "Fuck off."
22. Disbelief - "How the fuck did you do that?"
It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Motherfucker."
It can be political- "Fuck D an Quayle!"
It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:
"What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshima
" Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic
"Thats not a real fucking gun." John Lennon
"Who's gonna fucking find out?" Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to fucking roll." Anne Boleyn
"Let the fucking woman drive." Commander of Space Shuttle "Challenger"
"What fucking map?" Mark Thatcher
"Any fucking idiot could understand that." Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!" Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?" Pythagoras
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" Michaelangelo
"Fuck a duck." Walt Disney
"Why?- Because its fucking there!" Edmund Hilary
"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" Joan of Arc
"Scattered fucking showers my ass." Noah
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| Fri Aug 22, 2008 4:39 pm |
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welsh
Joined: 18 Aug 2008
Posts: 69
Location: Somewhere In Wales |
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Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."
The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls
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| Fri Aug 22, 2008 5:47 pm |
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